so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
