and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
So. Much. Porn.
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