i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
