There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
