Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
