new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
