the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
