I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
