please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
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