Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
