You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
