i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
