i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
