she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
