We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
