do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
