she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
