remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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