I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
He passed out mid-signature
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
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