I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
