I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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