What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
