Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
