he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
