she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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