bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
