OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
