zippers are such a cool invention
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
