how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
