No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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