Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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