yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
