Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
