There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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