So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
