there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
