All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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