Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
