She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
