I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
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