Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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