Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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