I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
