do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
