either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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