Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
