i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
