toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
