Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Randomize
