At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
