They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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