I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Found the puke drawer
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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