she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I want to fling myself into the sun
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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