I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
