If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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