successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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