Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
