i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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