apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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