is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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