Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I wish I only lived at night.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Randomize
