Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
