The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
