I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
