dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
