I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
