I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
