Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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