Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Randomize
